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Saturday, 21 September 2013

My top 40 movies


I always wanted to make a list about my favourite movies of all time so here are my choices. These are my most loved film’s that I believe everybody should watch at least once in their life.

40. An affair to remember (1957)
 

39. Catch me if you can: Frank is my man equivalent
 
38. Lolita (1997)

37.Reservoir Dogs
 
36.Funny girl

35.Knife in the Water

34.East of Eden

33.12 Angry Men

32.Blue Velvet


31.The Apartment

30.American Beauty

29.Meet me in St Louis

28. Deer Hunter

27.Up

26. Winnie the Pooh the Movie

25. Gone With The Wind

24. Birds

23.The postman always ring twice

22. The Shining

21. Three colours: Blue

20. Jules Et Jim

19.Annie Hall

18. La Finestra Di Fronte

17. The Tenant: Masterpiece from Polanski.

16. Pulpfiction

15. The Artist

14. Husbands

13. Marty

12:Belle Du Jour

11. Last Tango in Paris

10. The Graduate

9. Volver

8. Raging bull

7. Casino

6. The obscure object of desire

5. The Great Escape

4. Full Metal jacket

3. Donnie Brasco

2. Jaws

1. Goodfellas
 

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Me, the man eater


I’ve tried to call one of my best friends yesterday but he didn’t answer my call or reply to my text. I found it quite odd until now when he called me (but my phone was on silent as usual so I didn’t picked up) so he left a voice message. This is the funniest voicemail I’ve ever had so far:

Wife: Are you calling Bernie?

Friend: Yep.

Wife: Why do call her, I told you not to.

Friend: Sorry, but she’s my friend for thirteen years and I would like to talk to her and you doesn’t even know her so what’s wrong with that?

Wife (shouting): Here we go…she is more important than me; you can’t do that to me. Yes I just looked at her pictures she’s a typical bitch, and look at you the way as you talk about her.

Crying.

Friend (raising voice): I love you what’s wrong with you she’s just my friend?? She’s not a bitch, so don’t talk about her on that way.

Wife: You see…this is what I’ talking about, you defend yourself “she is just my friend”. So you don’t see she look good, she’s just a friend…sure, you are a piece of shit.

Friend (shouting): Don’t fucking talk to me like that, I did nothing wrong am I not allowed to talk to friend or what???

Wife (shouting and crying): You are ridiculous, she’s married she doesn’t want you doesn’t matter how hard you try..

Friend (shouting) :Shut a fuck up she is my FRIEND, and we want nothing from each other.

Women (crying and shouting): Fuck you, you asshole…you are a fucking loser.

This is the end of the voicemail.

I will never understand jealous women. They have a husband that means the guy made a commitment some time ago and they are still together, they may have kids, and yes they have ups and downs but they are together for the right reason because they love each other. Sometimes not, but it’s their problem and there is nothing to do with a third person. These people can’t trust. I find this story hilarious, especially when she said I’m a “typical bitch” (we haven’t met yet) as nothing more flattering than being hated by a jealous women. Its’ not the first and not the last time when a women think I am a threat to their husband’s, but if someone’s know me a little bit they would know that I’m not a man eater so there is no need to lock your husband’s up. I will never understand where they get this idea from as I’m not flirting, not sending saucy messages/pictures, and I try so hard to ignore other women husbands as I know these women are psycho’s therefore they need understanding and mental care.

I feel sorry for their husbands/boyfriends it must be hard to put up with their rants on a daily basis. These women are jealous because they have a very low self-confidence and they can’t see how beautiful they are. Many of them seeing their own husband as the “sexiest man alive” therefore they can’t imagine that someone doesn’t find their husbands attractive. If you point this out to them they will try to convince you about how sexy their husbands are, but if you give a nice comment like “you look good”, you are a freak bitch and they want to kill you. You can’t win so the best you can do is ignore the guy, ignore the women and focus on other things like curtains, ceilings and so on. These people need help.
 
 

When I feel on a women that she’s extremely jealous I try to be very nice to her and giving her as many compliments as I can. Doesn’t matter if it’s not true, the point is she will stop seeing you as an enemy, and that’s the goal. However some of them are still stay jealous despite I tried so hard and at that point I always feel the resist to annoy her and start flirting (which I normally don’t do) with her husband.

I feel sorry for my friend, he’s a lovey guy and he deserves better, in fact no one deserves a jealous psychopath. Good luck boys:-)

Horrible me, I’m sure I will end up in hell.

 

 

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

3 words and it's not "Ilove you"


                                              3 word’s and it’s not “I love you”

I believe in what goes around comes around therefore whatever you do and did in the past it will come back at you in a matter of time. I think it’s incredible and that’s the reason why we shouldn’t carry hate, anger or revenge because the Universe will take care of it. You can’t cheat Karma, but you can change your destiny.

Some people believe that destiny is inevitable but from my prospective destiny is just a very romantic thing which we really want it to happen despite we know it’s absolutely wrong. I love when some people says “she’s my destiny” regardless she’s a slapper, goldigger who bought nothing else but misery in to his life. For him the easiest thing to say it’s destiny, but in reality it’s just his lazy choice not to try to live in a happy relationship with some else. You can always use “destiny” as a great excuse for your bad relationship’s, unemployment, financial struggle’s because playing the destiny card sounds much more better than the less romantic, but more honest “I fucked up”.
 
 

I think no such thing as destiny as we all have choice. You can decide what you want from your life in every aspect; you can choose your destiny if you like.

Fate is a different thing; I believe that we all have stories in our life which was “written” but again I would love to believe we have at least a one per cent chance to cheat the fate. I have a slight idea about what is my fate and I know that whatever I try to do, how much I try to ignore it’s must happen. I’m the only one who can make it happen, but I feel forced and pushed by the Universe. It’s like you are a talented painter but you have no intention to paint for one reason or another and instead of painting you try to get a job as PR- manager. If your fate is being a painter you will never be PR manager, or of so you will always feel something is missing.

For me the word “fate” and “destiny” carries a negative meaning, it does suggest that it’s not happen by my choice but it has have to happen even if you don’t want it. It’s the same with relationship. I would like to think that I choose and I decide who I let in to my life, who can stay and who must go. The reality is there are some people out there who always will be in my life whether I want it or not and it’s something what I can’t change. What I can change is the nature of the relationship with them, e.g.: I wrote about shitbirds recently (I still hope they not going to stay in my life forever) but instead of being angry with them I rather try transform my relationship with them in to a friendship.

…and sometimes you call people back to your life because you miss them regardless what’s happened in the past, and with that action you create your own destiny. Some people are like drugs and you know that you don’t need them, you shouldn’t even be around them but you just simply can’t let them go. It’s not destiny, its addiction and it’s a completely different thing.
 
 

Walking in your memory will take you the nearest place where you’ve been happy once but you can’t live like that as it’s escapism from reality. The only way to rule your destiny is if you don’t let desires and addictions ruling your life. You must be stronger than your desires. Turn off your false high beams.

I believed in destiny until I’ve realised it can ruin my life so I had to force myself to change the Status Quo and it was one of the hardest thing to do. Strange, but if something or someone is not for you doesn’t matter how hard you try he/she will never be yours so the best thing to do is giving up and accept that the universe knows better than you. It’s hard, but you can live with it and years and years later you will understand why these things happened. You will receive the missing puzzle and suddenly everything going to be crystal clear and you will feel nothing but harmony.

In other cases some people are like magnets and they may not be in your life on a daily basis, but they always will be there for you regardless how many years you didn’t met and talked to them. These people attract each other therefore they will always find each other. They may let each other go in the past because they met in a wrong place and wrong time, but that doesn’t mean they forgot each other.  They are not your friends and will never be so it’s a strange form of love.  It may sound odd but that’s how it works.

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, 18 April 2013

My dear facebook friends, yes, its about YOU;-)

                                           
Few years ago FB was a place where people shared their thoughts, moods and activities. Nowadays it’s more about publishing “clichés” with idiot pictures like: I love my brother/cat/mum, I’m fat and proud (ok, it normally comes like “real ladies have curves”), pictures about tortured animals, wisdom clichés about love, friends, and of course the “keep calm and carry on” crap. The best part is the “share”. Someone publish some fucked up things like “share it if you have a heart”, “share if you love your mum”, “let’s see how many of you dare to share?” WTF??? So if I’m not sharing your simple minded crap clichés does that mean I don’t love my mum, horses, husband or I’m, not proud of myself? I always wanted to say how I’m fucking bored with that “real ladies have curves” stuff. It’s just an excuse why you can’t be asked to exercise. I’ve never read anything like “real ladies are pretty and slim”. I think everybody is beautiful regardless to their weight but why do you feel the need to tell that “real women have curves “to the world on a daily basis? Does that mean that women without curves are not real women? If having curves means looking like you, I prefer to be unreal.

 There is nothing wrong with being “fat and proud”, but do it quietly like normal people who don’t feel the need to publish on a daily basis that “I’m slim, pretty, and proud” share if you agree. Some of you are publishing pictures about fat girl’s (not curvy, fat believe me I can spot the difference) and next to that picture you publish another picture about a model like Miranda Kerr and asking that which one looks better? For me the slimmer one, but if I don’t like your “fat lady choice” you will label me as shallow.
 
 Just to clarify: She is fat.
 
 She's got curves.
 
 She's slim and pretty.
 
 

If you don’t like this picture, something horrible will happen to you tomorrow. Really? Like what?

If you don’t like my status you don’t believe in God and if you don’t believe in God then Satan will take you away. Sometimes I’ve got the feeling that my FB friends are zombies and I hate to say that.

I don’t give a fuck about the “Keep Calm and Carry On” shit, in fact I don’t even understand why you all so addicted to that sentence. Why do you have to share it on a daily basis? If you are nervous have a ciggy, have sex,whatever but I generally find it odd that you will feeling calmer just because you published a “keep calm and carry on “ cliché.

“You don’t know my life, I have scars, you know my name but not my number…”. Ehh??Do I want to know? No. Do I care your scars? No. The whole stuff sounds like you defend yourself and try to convince everyone about how proud you are to being you, no bad comments can touch, you are hard as nails. In real life you are a lovey and sensitive person, which is a great thing so why do you feel the need to pretend you are tough?

Most importantly: where‘s your OWN original thoughts gone? Why do feel the need to use other peoples thoughts, sayings…etc. Why do you think that something is wrong with yours? I don’t believe that if I like a picture of a cancer sufferer he/she will get better as I’m not God, things doesn’t work on that way unfortunately.

I hate reverse psychology it’s not just manipulative but absolutely unnecessary from my point of view.

Nope I will not share your crap. Get a life.

Friday, 15 March 2013

Shitbirds


                                                                           Shitbird

 

 

A Shitbird is arrogant, stupid, and difficult to shut him off. A shitbird is someone who is “useless” and he/she is unaware of his/her uselessness. We all have at least one shitbird in our life, maybe it’s a friend of your friend, colleague, family so definitely someone who you have to meet up on a regular basis because its ne-ce-ssary.

                                                          How can you recognize a shitbird?

They are the greatest storytellers of the world, and they believe that they have a great knowledge about everything. They are extremely opinionated and their views are extreme, they contradict themselves many times and those people are never listening. They aren’t well read, in fact most of them are common but they do see themselves as an intelligent person who has always been misunderstood and underestimated. They try to convince their friends that hippo’s lives’ in the ocean, penguins can fly and when you try to explain that it’s not true the answer is something like

-Hey mate, Pete told me that (you know the guy next door) and he’s a well-travelled chap he’s been to Russia once so he must know better than you and me. He’s damm clever mate…His missus is an Avon lady, so these people are not stupid.

Shitbirds are loved to think that the greatest mind’s talking to them and they easily can think the shepherds are philosophers. These guys are aggressive and there is no point to argue with them as they don’t listen because they are right, end of. Most of them are alcoholic but they would never admit it, they just feel a need to drink one beer a day ad if they miss it they have withdrawn symptoms. Not every shitbirds are alcoholic and not every alcoholic is a shitbird just to clarify.

Shitbirds are loud as they always want to be in the centre of the attention and making sure that everybody hears what they says. Deep in their heart they just want a good fight, looking for conflicts and if they haven’t found one, they create one.

They are truly, deeply and hopelessly homophobic but when “gays” raised up as a subject they says “I have no problem with gays but…”, so yes they have a lot of problems with gays. The shitbirds are the greatest chauvinist’s on this planet and they believe that a man never cries, always fight, drink a lot, burp a lot, hitting gays, and they are patriots. So if you are a man, who doesn’t agree with his views you are gay, that’s a syllogism but that’s how a shitbird mind works is.

They love to think that others fearing them but in reality others just pity them.
 
 
 

I think it’s a very fine line between shitbirds and psychopaths’ and they have many thing in common, like no remorse. Shitbird will proudly tell you in a very calm voice that he just hit a cat by mistake “but anyway who cares, fucking cats”. Psycho would tell the same story….with humans.

Both are attention seekers and both believe they are superior. Shitbirds are revengeful creatures; they can’t argue without a fight and if you offended him, better if you prepare yourself for the worst from now. None of them have a sense of danger. Shitbirds sometimes beloved by good people and these people try to understand them, helping them, listening to them with patience of a saint and so on. In my eyes they are not just a waste of time-space-energy, but because they not accept “no” for an answer they can cause serious damages on good people who can’t say no, because they are far too weak and patient.

Shitbirds have great senses, they can sense your fear from 30 kilometre so the best so if you doesn’t show your feelings.

You know doesn’t matter how carefully you choose your friends, you will have your own shitbird and the best you can do is make sure that he/she doesn’t make any bad impact on your life and on your relationship.

Enduring a shitbird, being nice to him/her for hours is a serious ad difficult challenge for someone who’s always honest to everyone and doesn’t talk to someone if she/him doesn’t like a person. This honest person may try very hard for years to find something good about his/her own shitbird but there was no success. Some people are just seriously fucked up and doesn’t matter if others try to convince you about you are wrong and shitbird is a “generally nice person, but lot of people misunderstand them”.

I hope one day all our shitbirds will fly away and they will never come back.

Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Relationships, sex, cheat instant wisdom from Bernie Land.


 

Since most of my friends relationship went downhill or even worse, they got split, divorced and cheated on each other I thought I share with you what my thoughts about to make yourself and your other half happy.


It’s not that kind of post that will giving you advices like how important is listening, loving yourself etc.. Because I firmly believe that the main reasons of divorces and unhappiness is the lack of sex and the quality of the sex.

First thing is stop reading gossip and glamour mag’s, Cosmo’s for teen’s and just because you put chocolate on your boy’s dick before you start sucking him your relationship not going to get better, even if its advised in all glamour gossip trash.

I always amazed when some friends of mine are unhappy with his/her sex life and slagging each other off with things like “ he doesn’t know anything about women, he’s absolutely useless in bed…”. I hear the same from boys too. My fellow humans, here is the Holy Grail:

Tell him/her what you like and what you don’t like. Be honest and straightforward, e.g.: sorry, don’t lick me I hate it, or yes please, but do on this way. Show it for him/her as people are not mind readers. The amount of time that you spend on the phone with me, slagging your partner off, you could use this time to teach your loved ones how to make you cum.

Don’t feel ashamed, it’s just a Planet and discussing about these things is extremely important. You two have to talk to each other first without a third person.

Try new techniques, everything that you ever dreamt of, talk about it to him/her. If you want to be punished by her and you want her to treat you as a very bad boy, tell her. She may think you are a freak but afterwards she will get used to the idea. If not, you two are still got closer to each other because you started to share your sexual dreams with each other. Hanky panky is cool anyway.

Don’t try to find excuses to have sex. Many people says they love sex “but”. That’s small “but” causing the biggest problem. I won’t say that you have to fuck every day, every time but make sure you do on at least a weekly basis.

If you don’t want sex with your partner, think about the “why”? Do you still love her/him? Or something went wrong emotionally and you two are not happy anymore? The thing is after a certain years that you spent together things going to be different, as you start to take each other for granted. Not intentionally, but if someone waking up next to you since 25 years, you think he/she will be there for another 25. It’s not true. People leaving each other and there is nothing to do with age.

Solution: talk to each other. When I suggest that option to my friends the answer always something like “she doesn’t care”, “he never listen”, “she will be angry”, “he would be offended” but if you really want an improve take a risk and try. In the worst case scenario she/he may get angry…and what? At least YOU tried.

I’m sure all of you have sexual fantasies about a person who you know/or didn’t know but you fancies him/her. There is nothing wrong with that morally, don’t feel yourself uncomfortable because of this, but also don’t make an issue about it either. Fucking with someone and being love with someone is sometimes two totally different things. In ideal cases they walk hands in hands, that’s what we call love. If you live in a relationship but you want someone else sexually, it can be a problem unless the object of you desire doesn’t mind to involve in a marriage/relationship. If you are completely fascinated with someone, that person will feel it and she/may think the same way of you. We all have erotic dreams sometimes with other people from our life which is completely normal.

“We are staying together because of the children”.

Here we go…I’ve heard that sentence too many times in my life and I still can’t understand. For me heart-breaking to know that the two very best friends of mine are cheating on each other secretly and without having the kid around they have nothing to say to each other. They haven’t had sex for ages, didn’t go out for a dinner, or simply they just ignore each other. They are both unhappy and they don’t want to die, but sometimes they wish that they were never born. These people want to make a kid happy, and acting as a perfect family. One part of mine understands that, but I think you have only one life and therefore one chance for happiness.

If your kids will grow up in an unhappy family they would sympathise you later on, but they will always feel sorry for you.

Some people are sexually dysfunctional but they love each dearly. For them a threesome or a foursome or horrible dictum a swinger club could be an option. The thing is if you jump in to a relationship/marriage without enough sexual experience, you always going to be curious how it could work with others and of course you want to try it. How much is the enough? I don’t know. In my dictionary the enough is the higher end, close to be burned out but turning back before you lose your faith in love.

Talk about it with your other half and she/he may want to do the same thing so you both can enjoy the sex with strangers.

Sex with complete strangers is pure adrenalin and fun. You don’t know each other, never met before and later on probably you never will. You have an hour to spend with each other in this world and knowing, he/she will disappear from your life for good afterwards, give you a freedom. You can be who you really are, the person who always wanted to be, and it’s simply great. I think the bottom line is that forget your expectations. Don’t expect a relationship from a quickie, unless you both feel it’s more than sex.

Cheating

I could write pages about this subject, but because time is short and I know that people doesn’t like reading anymore I will be short. People are not monogamous by nature, but some of them force upon themselves to be and those try to do their very best to resist for temptations, good luck to them.

All I can say is just do as much as your conscience can endure. If you can cheat your partner and keeping this in secret, without bad conscience it may would be the time for you to realise you relationship has ended.

I personally don’t believe in “secrets”. If two people find each other attractive it can be quite obvious, especially when they try to pretend they are just friends.

The main question is always: Is it worth it? Is it worth to take a risk to lose your loved ones just for a one night stand? Is it worth to cause yourself bad conscience and live in guilt, and blame yourself how stupid you were?

If the answer is yes, go for it.

Some people are extremely liberal in this question, they philosophy is “it’s just a body” and there is nothing to do with the soul. For them the word “cheating” doesn’t exist.

When you find someone attractive but you are already in a relationship it’s always will be a struggle about what to do next and doesn’t matter how hard you try he/she will stuck in to your mind for a long -long time. Well it maybe a time for you to do whatever wants you do.

Porn movies

Some of them are great however if you watch too much porn you can lose your sexual drive temporarily. However, occasionally you two should watch porn together, it’s a great fun.

Home movies

Yesss go for it, its fun. Making a movie while you having sex brings a healthy laugh in to the intercourse (I don’t want to use the word “fuck” too much, but I’m afraid I did already. Ooops, shame on me-NOT. Later on you tow can look at the video again and burst in laugh many times.

Exes

They are your past and for the right reason. A story has ended and doesn’t matter whose split and why, the thing is you shouldn’t walk in your memory lane too many times. I still have a great relationship with some of my ex-boyfriends and husbands, and now we are in a happy marriage/relationship and none of us bring back the past and using words against each other. Some of them will disappear from your life completely which is unnecessary but the only thing that you can do is accept it and move over. Some people can’t be friends, because they can’t forgive to each other.

Forgiveness is very important. Anger is destructive and could poison your life. It’s not just about your love relationships, but about family, partnerships, friendships. We all making mistakes and saying things what we doesn’t mean. It can be hurtful, but don’t look back with anger.

It’s the same situation with jealousy. My theory is if someone can take away your other half that meant to be and it means she/he wasn’t been the one. If others giving compliments to your girlfriends/boyfriends be proud of it, that means you are good enough to have a stunning partner how great is that?! I love when men giving compliments, it’s straightforward and so honest and doesn’t mean they want to fuck you or marry you, they just appreciate your beauty. Don’t be afraid to give compliments, it’s much better than being cold and not even noticing an attractive person, who exactly know you noticed him/her.

I always complimenting men and women, we are all beautiful in our way and I love when they blush, and my compliments making them happy.

Last but not least: Don’t make promises, if someone loves you he/she doesn’t need that, your actions speak for themselves. Some of you after reading this will say “what a lot of bollocks" I would never do this and that, but life can surprise you my friend. Always admit if you are in love with someone, that’s your chance for the happiness and it’s about YOU. The greatest thing that I have learnt is to never say never.

 

Saturday, 31 December 2011

Sex addiction and New Year


I hate New Year parties as I always feel a kind of “society pressure “to go somewhere to drink  and dance, something which is a MUST have “because it’s New Year’s Eve. If you don’t want to be a part of it, you are an outsider. Many times when I went to partying on New Year’s Eve I’ve had controversial experiences, and I can’t remember too much thing but body parts, sex, kissing with strangers and landing in a writer house and finding myself in a middle of an orgy. Everybody fucked with everyone, the house was full of with smell of sex and we don’t even introduce to each other. Another New Year party has ended up on a top of a hill with at least 46 biker girls and boys, in a middle of nowhere. That time no smart phone has existed,I’ve been in a huge house with assholes, from 10p.m to 4 a.m. I’ve listened crap music and I’ve talked with people who didn’t even know where they are. Thanks God my best friend successfully found me at 4a.m and picked me up. The next new year Eve started in a famous underground club where we met with some German guys and it ended up in a house with a great sex .Afterwards we went to another house party, and that was the time when I’ve met real weirdo’s. The party wasn’t a real party but a bunch of people watched the telly and drunken alcohol free champagne. I’ve suggested to watch porn but they told me it’s  “beneath them,so  afterwards I’ve listened endless conversations about religions, Catholicism etc which is fine if it’s not about a party and not in New Year’s Eve. Next New Year’s Eve started in a club again, kissing and dancing with one of my best friend brother , and that was the time when me and my friend didn’t talked for two years as she hated her brother so much and in her eyes our fling was a betrayal .I’ve spent great times in rock concerts with friends, great sex with stranger’s and I can’t remember their face’s, or their name’s but it was good at the time.


You can judge me how sexually free I was, but obviously I don’t care bad judgements otherwise I never share my story. I’ve had some normal house party with friends and many more which I can’t fully remember. The list of my New Year’s fun is not completed yet. You can call me bitch, whore, whatever, no regrets, no shame life was great. During these times I gained enough experience in every level so when I say “I love you Marty”-I mean it.


Nowadays I can’t relate to the girl who I was long time ago, but I cherish great memories from that time. I lived my teenager hood happily, I’ve tried lots of things and now I found the ultimate happiness and I don’t feel the need to fuck with strangers, or with friends or anyone whose moving but my beautiful Soul mate.

It was a long way to find myself and today, this New Year will be completely different as we decided to stay at home, eating junk, and watching great dvd-s together in each other arms. I will put on my Panda’s baby grow and my new Yeti home boots and just enjoy and celebrate our love. I don’t miss a thing,this is the perfection.



Happy New Year everyone, I wish you all happiness, joy and fun for the next year and sex sex sex….

“Your only duty is save your dreams”(Modligiani)

Life is amazing.