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Friday, 9 December 2011

Wrinkles,Crisis,and Cartman

As far as I can remember back I always wanted to be 30 year old. When I was eighteen I was plump and upset not just the way I looked but I felt the whole world is against me and no one understands me at all. I thought being thirty is cool. I wasn’t happy in my twenties, I was been in love too many times, I got married but I still left with that “I don’t know what a hell I’m doing here “feeling. On the top of that I’ve been in love with someone who I shouldn’t fall in love (Mr.Garner gate)with and first time in my life I had to face with that fact my marriage is a disaster, and I become a job hopper in a foreign country and, my best friends are not around me anymore as they are living in different countries. I was left with me, myself, and I and it wasn’t the best company.

My mum is always describing her look as a bulldog referring to her wrinkles, but I told her many times to be proud of your wrinkles as all those little lines on our faces is a proof of life ,happiness ,laugh ,pain ,crazy moments ,joy ,pleasure ,beautiful feelings .On next weekend I will be thirty years old ,my wish will come true but when I look in to the mirror I could shout” Wrinkleeeeeeeeeeess ,oh my God I look like a bulldog”.

I’m still a job hopper and I still try to find my feet on this Planet. I’m still not quite sure what should I do, where should I live France,Italy,Gibraltar or in the US but at least I know what I don’t want to do which is better than nothing. I have no kids, I have no dogs, and I’m divorced and guess what? I’m happier than ever because I found my Soul mate who loves me as much as I love him, and he is my shiniest side. He is better than me, and better than anyone I’ve ever met. At the end of day I found my inner peace and my harmony. My emotional life is not ups and downs anymore and maybe the world change around me, but the most important thing is mine and my feelings will be the same. I will always love my big “szormok”.

I love my body and I love my life. I learned how to appreciate my beauty and how to love myself. I have great life with a great family, great friends and I’ve been loved by great men’s.

I’m still a fourteen year old inside with full of questions. I’m still believe in Santa, and anytime I feeling sad I pop in to the Disney shop and I give a big hug to Tigger .I love hugging people, I’m a scary huggy monster and I can’t take the life serious .I’m still wearing Tinkle Bell socks, and I have Superman G-strings and I can believe penguins can fly if they really want. My favourite cartoon is South Park,Cartman rocks. I can’t cook, I’m not obsessed with cleaning and I’m crap with money. I’m not a people pleaser and I’m sarcastic (my ex brain-dead trainer has loved it).I love being Bernie.

The unconditional love has changed my life.

Being thirty is cool. I’m on my way.

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