Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Relationships, sex, cheat instant wisdom from Bernie Land.


Since most of my friends relationship went downhill or even worse, they got split, divorced and cheated on each other I thought I share with you what my thoughts about to make yourself and your other half happy.

It’s not that kind of post that will giving you advices like how important is listening, loving yourself etc.. Because I firmly believe that the main reasons of divorces and unhappiness is the lack of sex and the quality of the sex.

First thing is stop reading gossip and glamour mag’s, Cosmo’s for teen’s and just because you put chocolate on your boy’s dick before you start sucking him your relationship not going to get better, even if its advised in all glamour gossip trash.

I always amazed when some friends of mine are unhappy with his/her sex life and slagging each other off with things like “ he doesn’t know anything about women, he’s absolutely useless in bed…”. I hear the same from boys too. My fellow humans, here is the Holy Grail:

Tell him/her what you like and what you don’t like. Be honest and straightforward, e.g.: sorry, don’t lick me I hate it, or yes please, but do on this way. Show it for him/her as people are not mind readers. The amount of time that you spend on the phone with me, slagging your partner off, you could use this time to teach your loved ones how to make you cum.

Don’t feel ashamed, it’s just a Planet and discussing about these things is extremely important. You two have to talk to each other first without a third person.

Try new techniques, everything that you ever dreamt of, talk about it to him/her. If you want to be punished by her and you want her to treat you as a very bad boy, tell her. She may think you are a freak but afterwards she will get used to the idea. If not, you two are still got closer to each other because you started to share your sexual dreams with each other. Hanky panky is cool anyway.

Don’t try to find excuses to have sex. Many people says they love sex “but”. That’s small “but” causing the biggest problem. I won’t say that you have to fuck every day, every time but make sure you do on at least a weekly basis.

If you don’t want sex with your partner, think about the “why”? Do you still love her/him? Or something went wrong emotionally and you two are not happy anymore? The thing is after a certain years that you spent together things going to be different, as you start to take each other for granted. Not intentionally, but if someone waking up next to you since 25 years, you think he/she will be there for another 25. It’s not true. People leaving each other and there is nothing to do with age.

Solution: talk to each other. When I suggest that option to my friends the answer always something like “she doesn’t care”, “he never listen”, “she will be angry”, “he would be offended” but if you really want an improve take a risk and try. In the worst case scenario she/he may get angry…and what? At least YOU tried.

I’m sure all of you have sexual fantasies about a person who you know/or didn’t know but you fancies him/her. There is nothing wrong with that morally, don’t feel yourself uncomfortable because of this, but also don’t make an issue about it either. Fucking with someone and being love with someone is sometimes two totally different things. In ideal cases they walk hands in hands, that’s what we call love. If you live in a relationship but you want someone else sexually, it can be a problem unless the object of you desire doesn’t mind to involve in a marriage/relationship. If you are completely fascinated with someone, that person will feel it and she/may think the same way of you. We all have erotic dreams sometimes with other people from our life which is completely normal.

“We are staying together because of the children”.

Here we go…I’ve heard that sentence too many times in my life and I still can’t understand. For me heart-breaking to know that the two very best friends of mine are cheating on each other secretly and without having the kid around they have nothing to say to each other. They haven’t had sex for ages, didn’t go out for a dinner, or simply they just ignore each other. They are both unhappy and they don’t want to die, but sometimes they wish that they were never born. These people want to make a kid happy, and acting as a perfect family. One part of mine understands that, but I think you have only one life and therefore one chance for happiness.

If your kids will grow up in an unhappy family they would sympathise you later on, but they will always feel sorry for you.

Some people are sexually dysfunctional but they love each dearly. For them a threesome or a foursome or horrible dictum a swinger club could be an option. The thing is if you jump in to a relationship/marriage without enough sexual experience, you always going to be curious how it could work with others and of course you want to try it. How much is the enough? I don’t know. In my dictionary the enough is the higher end, close to be burned out but turning back before you lose your faith in love.

Talk about it with your other half and she/he may want to do the same thing so you both can enjoy the sex with strangers.

Sex with complete strangers is pure adrenalin and fun. You don’t know each other, never met before and later on probably you never will. You have an hour to spend with each other in this world and knowing, he/she will disappear from your life for good afterwards, give you a freedom. You can be who you really are, the person who always wanted to be, and it’s simply great. I think the bottom line is that forget your expectations. Don’t expect a relationship from a quickie, unless you both feel it’s more than sex.


I could write pages about this subject, but because time is short and I know that people doesn’t like reading anymore I will be short. People are not monogamous by nature, but some of them force upon themselves to be and those try to do their very best to resist for temptations, good luck to them.

All I can say is just do as much as your conscience can endure. If you can cheat your partner and keeping this in secret, without bad conscience it may would be the time for you to realise you relationship has ended.

I personally don’t believe in “secrets”. If two people find each other attractive it can be quite obvious, especially when they try to pretend they are just friends.

The main question is always: Is it worth it? Is it worth to take a risk to lose your loved ones just for a one night stand? Is it worth to cause yourself bad conscience and live in guilt, and blame yourself how stupid you were?

If the answer is yes, go for it.

Some people are extremely liberal in this question, they philosophy is “it’s just a body” and there is nothing to do with the soul. For them the word “cheating” doesn’t exist.

When you find someone attractive but you are already in a relationship it’s always will be a struggle about what to do next and doesn’t matter how hard you try he/she will stuck in to your mind for a long -long time. Well it maybe a time for you to do whatever wants you do.

Porn movies

Some of them are great however if you watch too much porn you can lose your sexual drive temporarily. However, occasionally you two should watch porn together, it’s a great fun.

Home movies

Yesss go for it, its fun. Making a movie while you having sex brings a healthy laugh in to the intercourse (I don’t want to use the word “fuck” too much, but I’m afraid I did already. Ooops, shame on me-NOT. Later on you tow can look at the video again and burst in laugh many times.


They are your past and for the right reason. A story has ended and doesn’t matter whose split and why, the thing is you shouldn’t walk in your memory lane too many times. I still have a great relationship with some of my ex-boyfriends and husbands, and now we are in a happy marriage/relationship and none of us bring back the past and using words against each other. Some of them will disappear from your life completely which is unnecessary but the only thing that you can do is accept it and move over. Some people can’t be friends, because they can’t forgive to each other.

Forgiveness is very important. Anger is destructive and could poison your life. It’s not just about your love relationships, but about family, partnerships, friendships. We all making mistakes and saying things what we doesn’t mean. It can be hurtful, but don’t look back with anger.

It’s the same situation with jealousy. My theory is if someone can take away your other half that meant to be and it means she/he wasn’t been the one. If others giving compliments to your girlfriends/boyfriends be proud of it, that means you are good enough to have a stunning partner how great is that?! I love when men giving compliments, it’s straightforward and so honest and doesn’t mean they want to fuck you or marry you, they just appreciate your beauty. Don’t be afraid to give compliments, it’s much better than being cold and not even noticing an attractive person, who exactly know you noticed him/her.

I always complimenting men and women, we are all beautiful in our way and I love when they blush, and my compliments making them happy.

Last but not least: Don’t make promises, if someone loves you he/she doesn’t need that, your actions speak for themselves. Some of you after reading this will say “what a lot of bollocks" I would never do this and that, but life can surprise you my friend. Always admit if you are in love with someone, that’s your chance for the happiness and it’s about YOU. The greatest thing that I have learnt is to never say never.


No comments:

Post a Comment