Friday, 15 March 2013





A Shitbird is arrogant, stupid, and difficult to shut him off. A shitbird is someone who is “useless” and he/she is unaware of his/her uselessness. We all have at least one shitbird in our life, maybe it’s a friend of your friend, colleague, family so definitely someone who you have to meet up on a regular basis because its ne-ce-ssary.

                                                          How can you recognize a shitbird?

They are the greatest storytellers of the world, and they believe that they have a great knowledge about everything. They are extremely opinionated and their views are extreme, they contradict themselves many times and those people are never listening. They aren’t well read, in fact most of them are common but they do see themselves as an intelligent person who has always been misunderstood and underestimated. They try to convince their friends that hippo’s lives’ in the ocean, penguins can fly and when you try to explain that it’s not true the answer is something like

-Hey mate, Pete told me that (you know the guy next door) and he’s a well-travelled chap he’s been to Russia once so he must know better than you and me. He’s damm clever mate…His missus is an Avon lady, so these people are not stupid.

Shitbirds are loved to think that the greatest mind’s talking to them and they easily can think the shepherds are philosophers. These guys are aggressive and there is no point to argue with them as they don’t listen because they are right, end of. Most of them are alcoholic but they would never admit it, they just feel a need to drink one beer a day ad if they miss it they have withdrawn symptoms. Not every shitbirds are alcoholic and not every alcoholic is a shitbird just to clarify.

Shitbirds are loud as they always want to be in the centre of the attention and making sure that everybody hears what they says. Deep in their heart they just want a good fight, looking for conflicts and if they haven’t found one, they create one.

They are truly, deeply and hopelessly homophobic but when “gays” raised up as a subject they says “I have no problem with gays but…”, so yes they have a lot of problems with gays. The shitbirds are the greatest chauvinist’s on this planet and they believe that a man never cries, always fight, drink a lot, burp a lot, hitting gays, and they are patriots. So if you are a man, who doesn’t agree with his views you are gay, that’s a syllogism but that’s how a shitbird mind works is.

They love to think that others fearing them but in reality others just pity them.

I think it’s a very fine line between shitbirds and psychopaths’ and they have many thing in common, like no remorse. Shitbird will proudly tell you in a very calm voice that he just hit a cat by mistake “but anyway who cares, fucking cats”. Psycho would tell the same story….with humans.

Both are attention seekers and both believe they are superior. Shitbirds are revengeful creatures; they can’t argue without a fight and if you offended him, better if you prepare yourself for the worst from now. None of them have a sense of danger. Shitbirds sometimes beloved by good people and these people try to understand them, helping them, listening to them with patience of a saint and so on. In my eyes they are not just a waste of time-space-energy, but because they not accept “no” for an answer they can cause serious damages on good people who can’t say no, because they are far too weak and patient.

Shitbirds have great senses, they can sense your fear from 30 kilometre so the best so if you doesn’t show your feelings.

You know doesn’t matter how carefully you choose your friends, you will have your own shitbird and the best you can do is make sure that he/she doesn’t make any bad impact on your life and on your relationship.

Enduring a shitbird, being nice to him/her for hours is a serious ad difficult challenge for someone who’s always honest to everyone and doesn’t talk to someone if she/him doesn’t like a person. This honest person may try very hard for years to find something good about his/her own shitbird but there was no success. Some people are just seriously fucked up and doesn’t matter if others try to convince you about you are wrong and shitbird is a “generally nice person, but lot of people misunderstand them”.

I hope one day all our shitbirds will fly away and they will never come back.







1 comment:

  1. Ok I just read this sober. Bud Black Crown kicked my ass last night. I know what you mean about having your own shitbird. A shitbird in the workplace can ruin a perfectly nice job. Only I call shitbirds Myasshole, Currently there are no shitbirds in my life but I'm sure one will pop up like a whackamole game.