Thursday, 9 May 2013

Me, the man eater

I’ve tried to call one of my best friends yesterday but he didn’t answer my call or reply to my text. I found it quite odd until now when he called me (but my phone was on silent as usual so I didn’t picked up) so he left a voice message. This is the funniest voicemail I’ve ever had so far:

Wife: Are you calling Bernie?

Friend: Yep.

Wife: Why do call her, I told you not to.

Friend: Sorry, but she’s my friend for thirteen years and I would like to talk to her and you doesn’t even know her so what’s wrong with that?

Wife (shouting): Here we go…she is more important than me; you can’t do that to me. Yes I just looked at her pictures she’s a typical bitch, and look at you the way as you talk about her.


Friend (raising voice): I love you what’s wrong with you she’s just my friend?? She’s not a bitch, so don’t talk about her on that way.

Wife: You see…this is what I’ talking about, you defend yourself “she is just my friend”. So you don’t see she look good, she’s just a friend…sure, you are a piece of shit.

Friend (shouting): Don’t fucking talk to me like that, I did nothing wrong am I not allowed to talk to friend or what???

Wife (shouting and crying): You are ridiculous, she’s married she doesn’t want you doesn’t matter how hard you try..

Friend (shouting) :Shut a fuck up she is my FRIEND, and we want nothing from each other.

Women (crying and shouting): Fuck you, you asshole…you are a fucking loser.

This is the end of the voicemail.

I will never understand jealous women. They have a husband that means the guy made a commitment some time ago and they are still together, they may have kids, and yes they have ups and downs but they are together for the right reason because they love each other. Sometimes not, but it’s their problem and there is nothing to do with a third person. These people can’t trust. I find this story hilarious, especially when she said I’m a “typical bitch” (we haven’t met yet) as nothing more flattering than being hated by a jealous women. Its’ not the first and not the last time when a women think I am a threat to their husband’s, but if someone’s know me a little bit they would know that I’m not a man eater so there is no need to lock your husband’s up. I will never understand where they get this idea from as I’m not flirting, not sending saucy messages/pictures, and I try so hard to ignore other women husbands as I know these women are psycho’s therefore they need understanding and mental care.

I feel sorry for their husbands/boyfriends it must be hard to put up with their rants on a daily basis. These women are jealous because they have a very low self-confidence and they can’t see how beautiful they are. Many of them seeing their own husband as the “sexiest man alive” therefore they can’t imagine that someone doesn’t find their husbands attractive. If you point this out to them they will try to convince you about how sexy their husbands are, but if you give a nice comment like “you look good”, you are a freak bitch and they want to kill you. You can’t win so the best you can do is ignore the guy, ignore the women and focus on other things like curtains, ceilings and so on. These people need help.

When I feel on a women that she’s extremely jealous I try to be very nice to her and giving her as many compliments as I can. Doesn’t matter if it’s not true, the point is she will stop seeing you as an enemy, and that’s the goal. However some of them are still stay jealous despite I tried so hard and at that point I always feel the resist to annoy her and start flirting (which I normally don’t do) with her husband.

I feel sorry for my friend, he’s a lovey guy and he deserves better, in fact no one deserves a jealous psychopath. Good luck boys:-)

Horrible me, I’m sure I will end up in hell.



1 comment:

  1. I used to have a woman friend in Atlanta. We would have two hour long conversations about all kinds of deep stuff. Daphne had many things in common with me and she (got) loved my sense of humor.

    This used to piss Denise off because Denise is shallow like mudpuddle. Anyway, I'd say: ":Why are you jealous? She lives in Atlanta for Christ sake". Some say maintaining an opposite sex friendship is cheating emotionally.

    And then there was Kim, the borderline Jewish sociopath who went blowing through our lives like a drunken tornado. We were friends in high school. She is still very attractive at my age. Well, Kim and I started seeing each other as friends when Denise and I were already dead. Denise would call Kim a bitch and felt she had to fight for me. Denise just didn't want anyone else to have me, especially Kim. If she really cared she would have done the little I asked to make our marriage work. Only Denise was right, Kim was and is still a conniving cunt who enjoys fucking with the lives of others.. I ran her off several times, Kim keeps coming back no matter how nasty i am to her. I think she finally got the hint this time.. What jealous people feel is that if a spouse committed to being a one and only in addition to pledging ever lasting love, the person with the "friend" should have no problem ending the friendship if it upset her to the point of jeopardizing harmony within the marriage. Again, its all about loyalty and feeling safe within the confines of marriage. Confines...Ha Ha. I kill me.